Last night, I carved a pumpkin for the first time in over a decade.
My partner and I drove up to a pumpkin patch in the morning, sorting through mounds of gourds until we found two that felt just right. We drank apple cider, ate apple strudel sticks, and brought home a pumpkin pie for dessert.
That evening, we set up to carve. I sat on the floor (as I did when I was a kid) and he took the table. I carefully sketched a perfect circle for the top of my pumpkin, determined to make it clean and neat. When I stood up to check his progress (lol), I saw he’d carved a zigzag pattern instead. I was instantly jealous!! His top looked way cooler and more fun than my tidy little circle. I felt like he broke the rules, but really...he’d just made his own.
When we opened up our pumpkins, mine had way more stuff inside—strings, seeds, guts—and I spent forever hollowing it out while he was already working on his design. By the time I was ready to carve, he was lighting his finished jack-o’-lantern on the balcony. It looked awesome.
Now it was my turn. I had no idea what to carve and the pressure was on. I scrolled through ideas on Pinterest before settling on a small, cutesy face with a bow (a little inside joke of ours.) When I finally revealed it, he laughed and said, “It took you that long to do just that?!” Then he smiled and added, “It’s perfect.”
I couldn’t believe how much of my childhood self was still there—the girl who took everything so seriously, who always compared herself to others, who wanted to get it right, even when it was supposed to be fun. I kept asking if my carving looked stupid or if I’d wasted the pumpkin. Everything has always felt high-stakes to me—even things that aren’t.
I also got a peek into my partner’s inner child—rebellious, creative, hands-on. It made so much sense why we deeply connect. And it was special to see each other in that light, laughing over something festive and messy.
Last night reminded me to meet my childhood self with a little more grace. To make something just because and to remember—it’s not that serious.
Hope you’re soaking in the season,
Nasrin
